Friday, January 3, 2003

Dear Prudence

Dear Prudence: I am a 26-year-old woman, married with three kids. Life is good for the most part, and I am happy as a stay-at-home mom. My husband and I have a great relationship; we are the best of friends, and when we're doing things together as a couple or a family, we have the best time. Our sex life is good, and we're very happy, for the most part.

Here's the problem: I don't find him attractive. I think I married him because we were such great friends. He finds me attractive and extremely sexy for a mom of three. I don't want to end the relationship, and I definitely don't want to cheat. But I find myself flirting and becoming attracted to very handsome men. Should I stay in a marriage where I'm not attracted to my partner, or should I try and find happiness with a man I AM attracted to? I don't want to lose my husband as a great friend. I do love him. -- Frazzled in -------

Dear Fraz: Prudie has redacted the city you live in to avert a stampede of women from moving there in hopes of finding your husband. To be in a marriage with a great friend -- enjoying a good relationship, great times, a good sex life and general happiness -- is pretty much all there is.

TRY to remember when you did find him attractive and why. Take it from Prudie, the handsome thing wears thin. (Plus, low lights -- or no lights -- often set the scene in the bedroom.) If it takes a therapist to get your head back on straight, go! And give up the flirting with handsome men. If there is a simple mantra for you to repeat to yourself, it is this: The other lane always moves faster. -- Prudie, pleadingly

Dear Prudence: I am a 28-year-old woman with a "healthy" sex drive. I enjoy the fun and intimacy of making love to someone I care deeply about. A few months ago, an acquaintance told me that one of my past boyfriends was telling people that he felt something was wrong with me because sex was all I ever wanted -- all the time.

At first I was extremely hurt by this remark, then it made me angry. He never complained about it when we were together. He thought it was just great. Although some people will just ignore his remarks, others will think badly of me -- you know how the old double standard goes, "If a guy likes it, it's OK; if a girl likes it, she's a slut."

Besides, why is he still talking about me? Our relationship ended over seven years ago. I want to be the bigger person and just laugh it off, but it's humiliating. How do I deal with this situation? -- Livid

Dear Liv: Seven years ago???!!! Whoever is dumb enough to repeat this to you deserves a big-eyed stare -- and no response. But if you feel you must say something, try repeating the same three words Prudie used to begin her answer here.

As for why Sir Galahad is shopping this information around at this late date, you are still on his mind, and he harbors anger toward you, for whatever reason. Maybe it's because he is missing . . . well, never mind. And try to get your head around the truism that none of us can control what other people say. Don't give this bigmouth any more thought. It will be a good way to ring in the new year. -- Prudie, rationally

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