Sunday, April 13, 2003

Ann Landers

Editor's Note: Hundreds of Ann Landers' loyal readers have requested that newspapers continue to publish her columns. These letters originally appeared in 1996 and 1998.

Dear Ann Landers: For years, I've been reading letters in your column from men who complain that their wives are "cold fish" and from women who are desperate because their husbands are selfish lovers and make no effort to satisfy them. Whenever I read those letters, I compose a response in my head. Today, I'm putting it on paper.

How sad that so many people equate sex with love. I was married for 35 years to a considerate, caring man. We had a wonderful love life. When he died, I never once grieved for the lack of sex, but I did long to be held in his arms at night and be comforted by his embrace.

Three years after my darling passed away, I met a loving, kind, gentle man. His wife had passed on, also. I never fantasized about sex with him, but I did love the feel of his arms around me and the wonderful sound of his voice. When he asked me to marry him, he told me he was impotent due to diabetes. I was only 56 at the time, so I did give some serious thought to what I would be missing. I decided that sex was not what I was longing for. What I wanted more than anything was someone to love me and be a partner in life.

We've been married for six years, and the best time for me is when I lie in his arms at night. How wonderful it is to see his face across the table, hear his strong voice as we work in the garden together or see his loving smile across a room.

Too bad the world is looking at lust and seeing it as love. No wonder there are so many unhappy people out there. I don't believe we are the only two who feel this way. I'm sure we are one couple among many, so please sign my name -- Legion

Dear Legion: Of course, you aren't the only happily married couple around, but very few happily marrieds write to me. It's the unfulfilled, disenchanted, disappointed and downright miserable who feel the need to unburden themselves.

You were fortunate to have found two fine men who were looking for love, not sex. Many women would settle for one.

Dear Ann Landers: I have a friend who works for a big bookstore chain, and she has told me some stories that shook me up. She said some parents bring their children to the bookstore and let them run loose while the parents go shopping somewhere else.

She told me one set of parents dropped off their 8-year-old son while they went out shopping and then had lunch at a nearby restaurant. Meanwhile, their bored 8-year-old was running amok in the bookstore. After an hour, the assistant manager, thinking the child had been abandoned, called the police. When the officers arrived, the parents came back, saw all the fuss and proceeded to yell at the assistant manager for "causing a problem." The parents assured the police that they were only gone "for a few moments," so the whole matter was dropped.

If those parents truly cared for their children, they would not be leaving them in strange places. We've all read stories about children being abducted in stores or malls. Parents should know better.

Ann, please tell parents it is not the responsibility of storekeepers, movie-theater managers, toy-store owners or anyone else to baby-sit their children. The employees of these stores already have full-time jobs taking care of their customers. They should not be expected to serve as baby sitters, too. -- W.R. in Virginia

Dear Virginia: You told them, and I thank you on behalf of all the bookstore owners, theater managers, toy-store folks and so on who are unwittingly tapped to baby-sit children. It is scary to think that there are so many thoughtless parents out there. For shame.

ANN LANDERS (R)

© 2003 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.